sidekick sonia

I've logged on numerous times over the past week in an attempt to record my thoughts. As you can see, I haven't been successful. I have a tendency to keep what's "in my head" in my head. Sure, I'll talk about what's going on my life, and certain things that are bugging me. But my real fears, my real stresses and worries, my real beefs - those I keep mostly to myself, possibly a select few, or most often, to one person. I know it's unfair for me to do this. It's unfair for me to not confide in friends when they trust me so much to confide in me. It's unfair for me to burden one person with all of my mind dumps. And it's unhealthy for me to keep things inside.

I suppose I just don't want to seem weak to other people. By voicing my concerns, I feel that those concerns become more real. If I keep them in my head, maybe they'll go away or I'll figure out a way to deal with them. This doesn't always happen though. Instead, I'm left feeling anxious and unsettled.

I even have a hard time letting others know my goals, my hopes and my dreams. It's not that I think people will say, "That's not possible". It's that I, myself, think that I may not make those hopes and dreams a reality, that I'll fail. It's the thought that I might not be able to fulfill the goals I've set for myself, that I'll fall flat on my face, that prevents me from telling others, and maybe even from putting my whole heart into what I really want.

This isn't even what I intended to blog about in the first place, but I guess you can't really control this sort of thing. Maybe I needed to get this out there so that I can organize my other thoughts and finally get them out there, out here.

Be ready for a possible flood.

posted by Sonia @ 1:13 p.m.